Not a Journal Jo.
“….”
From last November until early December, I decided to rest. It’s a huge decision that I’ve made, my body keeps telling me that I need a proper rest because they felt the ache a lot, from the head to the toe. Aside from resting, I went to Yogyakarta and still lingered on the feeling. How the quality time makes me feel better than I was before.
I differ resting and break into two things. Resting is about sleep, but take a break is about going away from the distraction. It could be resting physicly or mentally, technology and everything that made me overwhelmed.
I had a great time reading books and watching any content and woke up with good energy. It’s tough to feel happy when you just woke up. I feel so blessed and light. I suddenly took a lesson from my journey. Sometimes, I need a break time only for myself without getting in touch with people. I could focus on recovering my mental health from being overwhelmed. Josephine March ever had an accident which made her decision to break. When the time flew, she was all recovered. As for me, I was in the same boat as her. Even the journey of finding my soulmate. The difference is she has found her Bahr while I’m still single. So this is my journal, not a journal Jo.
A journey to find ourselves is the form of thinking and talking or looking deep in our hearts. I always find myself in a steady or stable stage, but once the hurricane came out, it was hard to stand still alone. Taking a break is out, relaxing our mind to always feel grateful to Allah and accepting the destiny that was given, even if that is our self. Being an idealist woman’s career isn’t easy. Always making planning after planning, productivity, and courage. Sometimes I had communication clashes with people. Taking a break is my thing to accept everything in life.
When I was seventeen, my friend asked me: “Why does your life seem so easy? You are always happy every day and feel like you have no trouble in your life?”. She doesn’t know that moment was one of the hardest times in my life. I always thought I was fearless to take everything easy, but deep inside myself I can’t sleep at all. Since the divorce of my parents, when I was about fifteen to eighteen, I was envious of my friend’s life, in my eyes who only focused on studies. While I needed to take care of myself alone being kind and independent, taking care of the house, and taking care of my parents to feel connected to the family after parted, my brothers who were still young and needed a figure of a mother, my grandma and grandpa who were already old, the social and everything around me who always asked me tons of question and statement, also I need to study. Is hard, isn’t it? At least for me, it was really hard. My score performance proves that when I was in senior high school was the lowest time in my life. I want to be free but I need to study, it’s hard to keep it up, and I put all the burden alone.
The time when I need to think about my next stage of life, my score is good enough in Chemistry and English, but I choose Communication instead, since I was so happy when I became an announcer in school, a reporter in one documenter, also I like the insight of media, I enjoy took the moment using the camera, reading all the materials made me happy. So I choose Communication and Literature as the second option. I was really brave enough to put away Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, and Biology which I had a bad score. But still, I’m not that good.. I can’t keep up with my friends, I still focus on managing my emotional stage of life. End-up I regret several things, but thanks to that, I became better than I was before. I am better at studying in college life, and accepting my destiny, as I thought I was a lead actress not only a shadow. A bit funny when I remember my hobby is studying, yes it’s a fact.
Now, I miss that moment. I miss being an adolescent, becoming an adult is harder than I thought. Much harder after twenty-five has passed, I need to decide on someone who will be my lifetime partner. I don’t regret anything instead I’m grateful for becoming who I am today. I’m still far from success, but I ever told the HR staff in my office, that my thought on success is doing pleasant things everything is my kind of success. A break is really good for keeping a good pace on my journey, remembering all moments, and hardships, but only remaining a smile.
